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Its not the size of my ass

I was going to start this by saying some sort of introduction like " I'm new to this whole thing...blah, blah,blah". But thats not true. I have been addicted to SOMETHING my whole life. I've overcome drugs and alcohol and have been in recovery 11 and 4 years respectively. But eating...THAT was the first one. Ground zero. I'm trying to implement the things I've learned about my other addictions but the snag is obvious. You can't QUIT eating! I know all my addictions have led from feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, but the opportunity to hide from the reality with that is more convincing. You can hide drugs and a bottle but the fat?? Well, the whole world sees that. And whats worse is I have been thin! So now everyone can see me backslide. They can look at me like "what happenend to her?" or " she's sober now, Id rather be drunk than fat" or every ones favorite " you are not fat, I think your beautiful!", thats the one that comes from the skinny friend. Sigh. I guess after years of gaining and losing I finally have realized that its not my ass thats broken, its my head. I'm struggling...again. I'm tired and disappointed with the fact that I am once again over 100lbs overweight. The thought of beating myself down so I can start working out, journaling, reading the magazines and feeling guilty about every bite I take is overwhelming. I feel EXACTLY the same way I did when I was a drunk. I'm tired of going into the boxing ring over and over again but the self hatred is dangerously close to feeling like I just want to give up and get fatter and fatter till i can't leave my house. I'm exhausted.


Changed my life!!

I found this program after dieting for 25 years and being totally obsessed with food and weight.  It literally consumed my life...

Thank God that through this unique and amazing approach, I was SET FREE from this food/weight obsession! To my amazement, I began to have CHOCOLATE go stale! I literally FORGOT there was a chocolate cake on the counter, when previously I would have eaten most of the cake while home alone during the day!

I wish EVERYONE could find this program and leave dieting behind FOR GOOD.  And saying it's a "lifestyle change" does NOT change the fact that if you're restricting your food in ANY way - it's still a DIET!

(For my complete story, please see Jacki's Story.)