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Dear Reader,
Well, here we are celebrating the fourth annual International No-Diet Day. How are we doing? It seems to us that the general consciousness about the ineffectiveness of diets is quite high. True, endless magazine and newspaper articles continue to publicize the latest/oldest magic tips -- have you noticed that protein is making a comeback along with crinolines -- but don't you think that, on some level, everybody gets it that dieting and binging are related? Weight Watchers™ has even institutionalized the diet/binge cycle -- "Take the weekends off!" We're suggesting that it's no longer radical to say that dieting is a hopeless endeavor or, at the very least, a lifetime occupation. When it comes to body hatred in women, however, we're discovering that the resistance to even talking about it much less overcoming it is even more entrenched than we'd imagined.
In March, we conducted two forums on the topic of body hatred, one in Boston and one in Hartford. In total, 350 women attended. We were delighted and they were wonderful events (more later). But as one woman put it, "Where is everybody? They should be hanging from the rafters in here!!!" We thought so too. These were tryouts for what we hoped would be (and we are determined will eventually be) a When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies... tour. In our enthusiasm, we had seats for 500 in each location. We mailed 10,000 announcements to very select lists in each city and put the admission fee as low as we could at $35 for the morning. The leaflet said, "Imagine enjoying your body!, Imagine eating without guilt!, Imagine dressing for pleasure rather than camouflage!" In other words, THROW OFF YOUR CHAINS!!! So? Where were the multitudes? Why isn't every woman eager to question the ubiquitous phenomenon of body hatred? No, we have not forgotten how understandably resistant we all are to changing something as basic as the way we dialogue with ourselves (and each other) all day everyday, but hasn't everyone had it by now?
At conferences, we always ask, "What do you think will happen when all the women in the world stop hating their bodies?" Of course, at these forums, we asked the question again. We got a lot of the usual but very dramatic responses along the lines of "We'll take over the world." But perhaps some of the other responses shed some additional light on the issue. (As if putting ourselves in a position to take over the world could not possibly be sufficient reason for our collective female resistance to giving up body hatred!)
"We'd love women a lot more," said one woman. "We'd be less competitive," suggested another. "We'd experience our bodies in a whole different way," said someone else, "we'd feel more sexual and alive." "I think we'd have a very different experience in the world," added another. "Because there'd be a loosening of role stereotyping, we'd be a lot freer to express all the parts of ourselves." "Yes," another woman agreed, "If I could stop hating my body and really learn to love it, I would be free enough to enjoy both the feminine and masculine sides of me. I would feel free to touch and explore myself in a way that I still feel is quite forbidden. I would no longer be restricted by my gender and my relationships would be drastically different. As I say this, I'm aware of how constricted and confined I have always been by my awareness of being a girl. It's unbelievable how much is tied up to how we think we look."
These women were trying to describe how profound a shift it is for a woman to give up body hatred. Not only does a decrease in body preoccupation free us to make changes in the world, but potentially, it changes our inner experience of ourselves dramatically.
One woman, a physician, said that as she listened to the presentation, she had doubts. She couldn't help but wonder how much of this body preoccupation is biological. After all, she suggested, women are subject to constant hormonal shifts. An interesting point, we thought. It is true that often our attention is brought back to our bodies, but what about all the negativity that is part and parcel of that preoccupation? Is that built into the system or is that a result of our awareness of our femaleness in the context of a male&endash;dominated world? What would it be like to be aware of all our shifts in mood, in weight, in sexual desire and in energy without any negative comment? What if our daily awareness of our femaleness were cause for delight?
Recently, we spoke at the University of Pennsylvania to a room full of college women. Some terrific minds were in that auditorium. Yet, sad to say, these very gifted and talented young women are as body/food obsessed as we were at that age. Must every woman live through decades of dieting before she can take the chance to break free?
One young woman reported that in its ratings of college campuses, Playboy magazine had ranked the University of Pennsylvania as having the ugliest women of all the ivy league schools. The message was clear: "Girls. Don't think that competing with men and being brainy will get you anywhere. Keep your eye on the prize -- your beauty!! And of course, Playboy magazine is sold at the University book store. Why didn't these young women protest, go after Playboy, boy(girl)cott the bookstore? They didn't because deep in their hearts they feel that who they are and what they do is less important than how they look.
If a magazine has to resort to such primitive, dumb stuff in 1996, it's in response to the threat women represent in general and in this example, specifically in academia. But that aspect of the piece was not immediately apparent to these women students when they read the article. They may have felt angry but they also felt ashamed. They are no different from most of us. We can still be shamed, still be manipulated to diet and body shape because we are not completely certain that we belong next to our brothers in these prestigious halls of learning, in the workplace, or anywhere else. Are we inherently ugly? Or do we feel ugly because we are the other, we are not part of the dominant group?
So our March forums were not filled to capacity. But they were very exciting and encouraging. The majority of women may be less than eager to talk about body hatred, but we keep going because we are privileged to be able to work with so many of you who have broken through the barriers and demonstrated that it is possible to live very differently.
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I'd like to share a story about good caretaking. Over the course of several years, I have become a passionate ballet fan, and I attend many performances at one particular theater in Lincoln Center, the New York State Theater. I routinely spend a considerable amount of money on tickets and had just unwittingly subscribed to four performances which turned out to be in very tight seats.
I had always attributed the tightness of theater seats to my expanding or shrinking butt, but when I looked carefully I realized that it was the seats which differed in size, not me. I decided I was no longer going to be uncomfortable if I could help it.
So, one night I got to the theater extra early and whipped out a tape measure. After I gave the usher my ticket and was shown to my seat, I proceeded down the row measuring the widths between armrests and recording them on a small chart of seat numbers I had prepared ahead of time. When I noticed two ushers (very thin) staring at me, I explained what I was doing. To their credit, they complimented me on my initiative, told me that they had no idea that the seats were not all the same, and wished me luck.
It took three visits to complete my chart, to the surprise and amusement of all the ushers in the section, but the results were worth it: seat widths ranging from 17 1/2 inches to 21 inches. The fallout from this experiment has significantly improved my theater going life. I'm no longer shy about seeking wide seats, even though box office personnel invariably don't know that seat sizes differ. Especially in movie theaters, I always arrive early and eyeball the seat backs from behind. The size variance is often easy to see.
The happy postscript is that my current ballet subscription, which I will renew forever, is for the two widest seats in the house.
Thanks for helping me develop the nerve to take care of myself in this very public way!
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Carol Coven Grannick Judith Matz Directors, Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating |
May 6th marked the fourth annual International No-Diet Day, celebrated by groups and individuals all over the world. The purpose of this day is to draw attention to the dangers of dieting and promote size diversity and natural eating. International No-Diet Day also provides an opportunity for people who are already part of the movement to come together and have some fun. We would like to share our plans for International No-Diet Day 1996 and offer some ideas that can be used any day!
In honor of International No-Diet Day, we asked local bookstores to create a display of books on the topics of non-diet approaches and self/size acceptance during the month of May. Of course, we are providing the bibliography! We received positive responses from several bookstores and we were even asked to give some presentations along with the displays. Other Overcoming Overeating centers will also set up displays, so if you live in one of these cities, please come in, show your support, and find some new books! (See sidebar for information)
For those of you unable to visit one of these stores, here is a list of recommended reading. Consider treating yourself to one of these selections as a way of celebrating International No-Diet Day.
Our other International No-Diet Day event involved getting together with a group of our colleagues for a potluck celebration. The idea was to talk, exchange ideas, recognize our hard work over the year and have some fun! Wherever you live, consider finding some friends whose thinking about food and weight issues is similar to yours. No talk of diets or weight loss; rather plan an evening of support, discussion or just something pleasurable to do together.
Finally, we are reminded of last year's No-Diet Day event in which the National Center For Overcoming Overeating and other Centers organized clothing drives. Hundreds of women cleaned out their closets as an act of self-acceptance. We collected and gave the clothing to a variety of shelters and organizations. Spring cleaning is worth repeating every year.
On International No-Diet Day, we reflect on our past year's work and feel grateful for the strides made in promoting size diversity and attuned internal eating. We are thankful for the nurturing colleagues we have in the Chicago area whose presence adds strength to our sometimes difficult road. Each year the community of women and men who say "No!" to dieting and to size discrimination grows. Our circle increases to include more people, greater enthusiasm and deeper commitment to freeing lives from the preoccupation with body hatred and dieting. We see International No-Diet Day as a marker of our progress together.
* Borders
- Deerfield
- Michigan Ave., Chicago
* Barnes & Noble
- Deerfield
- Vernon Hills
- Wheaton
- Oakbrook
* Andersons
- Downers Grove
- Elmhurst
* Prairie Moon
- Arlington Heights
* Transitions
- Chicago
* Women & Children First
- Chicago
* 57th St. Books
- Chicago
* Barbara's
- Wells, Chicago
- Broadway, Chicago
* College of Du Page BookStore
- Glen Ellyn
* New York City: Shakespeare's
- West 81st Street
* When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies (Hirschmann/Munter)
* Nothing to Lose (Erdman)
* Self Esteem Comes in All Sizes (Johnson)
* Real Gorgeous (Cooke)
* The Invisible Woman (Goodman)
* Overcoming Overeating (Hirschmann/Munter)
* Fat Is a Feminist Issue (Orbach)
* Transforming Body Image (Hutchinson)
* Preventing Childhood Eating Problems (Hirschmann/Zaphiropoulos)
* Full Lives (Gurze Publishers)
* The Beauty Myth (Naomi Wolf)
* Making Peace With Food (Kano)
* Shadows on a Tightrope (eds. Schoenfielder and Weiser)
* Great Shape (Lyons and Burgard)
* Style is not a Size (Marano)
* The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness (Chernin)
* Such a Pretty Face (Millman)
* SomeBody to Love (Newman)
* Never Too Thin: Why Women Are at War with Their Bodies (Seid)
* Fat Girl (O'Garden)
* Life Isn't Weighed on the Bathroom Scales (Rose)
* Beauty Secrets (Chapkis)
* Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) - 1-213-651-0469
* Radiance, the Magazine for Large Woman - 1-510-482-0660
* Food for Thought - 1-203-787-1624
Dear OO Newsletter,
I have high cholesterol and high blood fat. Therefore, it is quite difficult not to diet. Do you have any tips?
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This question comes up quite often. In many people, cholesterol levels respond to changes in diet and exercise. The question is: Are you able to diet successfully? In our experience, compulsive eaters respond to any dietary restrictions in the way they have always responded to diets: they conform for awhile and then, they rebel. If however, through demand feeding, a compulsive eater gets to a point where she is using food as a fuel rather than a tranquilizer, the chances are that, in the process, her overall diet has changed a great deal and she is eating a wide variety of foods, none of them in great quantity. If at this point, for health reasons, she thinks that her food choices could use some evaluation, she has several options. She can focus on her matchmaking to see if her choices are truly consonant with what her body seems to crave. She can also begin to experiment with adding and subtracting different foods from her repertoire. As a no-longer compulsive eater, it is possible to decide to eat in one way or another and not have it be a deprivation, i.e., a diet. We know many demand feeders who, for one reason or another, have eliminated certain foods from their routine. They are able to do so because as reliable self-caretakers, they are dedicated to making themselves feel as good as possible. They also know that they will never deprive themselves of any food if they truly want and/or need it.
Dear OO Newsletter,
In my work to deal with my compulsive overeating I have come to the point of trying to be more honest and forthcoming with my (grown) daughter about my struggle with food and deprivation of all kinds and how it has probably negatively impacted her life. Can you talk a bit about how to keep one's journey with this problem separate from one's daughter's. Is this at all possible or do I have to wait for the day that I have resolved my own eating problem to be in a position to help her?
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This question reflects the inter-generational struggle with Bad Body Fever. We live in a world in which women are devalued and are seen as "less than." For most women, food and body preoccupations are the ways in which we express our discomfort with being second class citizens. Therefore, it is very hard to separate our own struggles from those of our daughters. We are part of a system that teaches women to body shape rather than world shape.
So, what do you do when your daughter says, "I'm too fat?" You've said the same thing thousands of times. Now it's time to share your new perspective. You can tell her that each time you've accused yourself of being too fat, you have felt miserable, depressed, powerless and susceptible to a $40 billion diet industry ready to exploit your discontent with your body and your eating. Enough!! You can go on and tell her that women are banding together, here and abroad, to declare an end to body bashing and dieting.
As difficult as it is, saying "NO" to body hatred is a crucial step in freeing yourself, your daughter and women. Why keep silent about your process? On the contrary, your new position needs to be aired until it becomes a natural process.
Let's question our body contempt by asking, "Who says we can't be beautiful and healthy at any size? Why should one size fit all? What an absurd notion. Variety is the spice of life. Let's enjoy our whatever sized bodies and let's make food a friend, not a foe to run from all of our lives. We have much better things to do in our lives than scream about what we look like and what we eat. Let's focus on what's really important." That's what we think you can begin to say to your daughter and her daughter and to all the daughters after that.
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I have been on a futile quest to Lately, I've been painting bowls No longer do I ignore I appreciate their ripeness, |
Most of our readers are quite familiar with the phrase: A bad body thought is never about your body. Presumably, when you have a bad body thought, you try to de-code its message by asking yourself what the deeper source of your upset might be. However, you may be less used to thinking that your stuck points in the demand feeding process may have symbolic significance as well. Here's a story in which someone's particular stuck point -- matchmaking -- turned out to have a lot of meaning and the process of de-coding proved particularly useful.
One evening at the New York weekly workshop, a participant named June talked about her difficulties making the correct food match when she was hungry. As a very experienced demand feeder, she found it baffling to be in this predicament. We asked her to describe her problem.
"When I'm hungry I just don't know what I want to eat," she said. "Of course, I've legalized foods and I'm surrounded by all types of food. Matter of fact, I've made every category of food a snack food and quite transportable. Yet, even with all this variety and freedom, I'm not clear about what I want."
We asked June and the others in the group to quickly do a Food House fantasy where you imagine a place that is your Food House; in it is all the food you've ever wanted. June imagined her Food House and spent some time there to see what would happen. She recounted her experience to the group.
"I went into the house and was struck by the abundance of chocolate, pasta and vegetables. Chocolate was once my nemesis, but in this fantasy I didn't even touch the stuff. Every variety of colorful pasta existed in my fantasy -- strung all over the house! It seemed very decorative. And, oh those vegetables! I didn't eat them. No, I played with them. But again, I didn't know which of these three foods I would choose to eat."
We wondered if this dilemma, "which of three to choose," had any meaning beyond the food. June's face lit up as she said, "I've got it. Currently there are three men in my life. There's my old boyfriend; he's the chocolate. I'm no longer interested in him the way I once was. I've had a playful fling with a younger man who is loads of fun to be around, just like the veggies. And my major heart throb is a man who loves to hang around with me but can't make a commitment. Amazing! I can't believe that my stuck point in this eating process actually expresses the stuck point in my life. I guess it's easier to feel confused about food. Matchmaking is a lot more complicated when it comes to men."
The following week, June told the group that she was no longer using food to play out her conflict about matchmaking. And that, in fact, she'd felt more empowered once she understood that her inability to make the correct food match was actually an expression of her conflict about these men. She felt she was now able to address her real problem and begin to think it through. Unraveling your stuck points pays off!
The Houston Center celebrated our one year anniversary in March this year. For our special anniversary meeting, we had guest speaker and diversity consultant Linda Bedre, founder of A NEW WAY, present on the topic of aging. Linda helped each of us explore the ways in which fear of fat and difficulty with bad body thoughts are often intertwined with a fear of aging. Women often say they want to be "thinner like they were before"... but part of the desire to be thinner is often really a longing to be younger like we were before. Linda reminded us that both men and women are treated disrespectfully and become invisible to the culture as we age, but as with fatness, men are allowed more latitude than women. As men grow older and gray, they are often seen as debonair, accomplished and more powerful. Aging women, however, are generally seen as "has beens" who can no longer compete with younger women for sexual power and influence over men.
Some ideas for embracing aging in a way that helps with healing compulsive eating include:
Despite all the studies, all the research and all the data, the urge to diet still plagues most American woman. Many diet programs now tout "life style changes" but they are really diets in disguise. The focus is still to change your look. Success is still measured in pounds and inches lost; failure by not sticking with the program.
We have "failed" too many times. Deprivation by any other name is still deprivation and diets don't work. As we realize and acknowledge that food is not really the issue, many of us have given up on diets. However, dealing with feelings about our bodies and the effect that has on our self-esteem leaves lingering questions. How do I make peace with my body? Do you really expect me to love it? How do I integrate my self-esteem with who I see in the mirror or perhaps more important, how do I develop a healthy sense of self?
The answer is not a simple one, but one thing is certain. In order to be at peace with your body, you have to be in your body! And to be in your body, you need to recognize its strengths and you need to use it. This is where exercise comes in.
For decades, exercise has been linked to the concept of weight control. The ideal body has gone from slim and trim to slim, strong and fit. Fitness clubs on every corner, exercise machines on sale in the main areas of most shopping malls, books and tapes, TV shows and advertisements for exercise equipment. "In only 20 minutes a day..." For many, exercise has become a part of the whole package. You are expected to diet, work out, burn those calories, change that metabolism, lose those inches and pounds. In short, it's part of the discipline or perhaps more accurately, the punishment for not having the right body. We obey and run out and buy the latest machine; then the treadmills, bicycles and steps sit in the corner and finally get listed in the want ads, at greatly reduced prices.
Is there another side to exercise? Can we make it Friend rather than Drill Sergeant? We believe that you can if you are willing to take some steps to change your perspective.
1) Revise your definition of exercise
2) Find something you really enjoy doing
3) Give up the idea that there is a "right" amount of time to spend exercising.
4) Pay attention to the messages your body gives back to you.
Let's walk through this process.
The first step: Revise our definition of exercise. This means looking beyond the routines, the classes, the twenty minute workouts, to the meaning behind exercise. Webster lists many definitions, among them, "the act of bringing into play or realizing into action" and "something performed or practiced in order to develop, improve or display a specific power or skill." So often we start with the question, "What am I supposed to do? if I'm not doing the suggested twenty minutes of aerobic exercise, the required number of times a week, does it count?" Or we hear,"I really don't enjoy it, it's boring." If we give up on the "supposed to" and see the purpose of exercise as using our bodies to feel pleasure and strength, more choices are available to us.
The second step: Find something you enjoy doing. What feels good to you? There is no doubt that we will stay with what we like far longer that what we feel we "should" be doing. Any movement you do as a punishment for not being the right size will end in failure, just as diets always do.
It may be helpful to remember what kinds of movement you enjoyed as a child or as a young adult. What was really fun? For example, if you loved to swim as a child, that may be a good choice for you now. And, if you give up the "right" way concept, swimming does not necessarily mean laps.
Explore the many, many kinds of movement options. Dancing, biking, walking, yoga, roller blading, tennis, gardening, volleyball are all examples of the range and variety of choices available. It seems we forget just how extensive our choices are.
Remember to explore what gets in your way. One client remembered loving to play tennis. She had not played for several years and over that time had gained weight. She had not returned to tennis because she believed it would mean having to wear a tennis skirt and she was concerned that she would not find one in her current size. Once she realized she could play tennis in clothing that was comfortable for her, she began playing again and loving it. Her belief about the "shoulds" had put her enjoyment on hold.
It is also important to note that what you enjoy can change with age and perspective. When we get caught up with a case of the "shoulds", we miss out on some of our options. For example, we have talked with people who ran track in high school; their experience with running was tied to competition and performance anxiety. However, returning to running as adults, they were able to set different goals in regard to pace, time and distance.
The third step: Revise the concept of time. People are always talking about not having the time. If we look at exercise as specific activities that require particular time commitments and are done because "it's good for me," it will always be hard to find time. However, if we take the time to do the first two steps, redefine exercise and find what we like doing, we are then in a good position to do only as much as our bodies need or want. We can experience the pure pleasure of moving our bodies.
The fourth step: Pay attention to your body's message. This goes back to feeling good about our bodies and feeling good about ourselves. As therapists and consultants, we encourage clients to take the first three steps. Once they begin to give up the "shoulds" and find movement that is enjoyable, they begin to notice some additional benefits: increased strength and endurance, increased energy, more time for other pursuits. These pursuits might include new comraderie, new projects, time to reflect, etc. An added bonus is the natural high. Using our bodies to move in a pleasurable way is the best natural defense against the blues.
Ever feel that maybe OO just isn't working? Ever feel like running back to the "safety" and "familiarity" of a diet? Ever feel like you should lose weight and then try OO? Well, you're not alone! Recently, the OO online group talked about these very issues! Come along with us, as we discuss...
LVS: I'm in "scales mode" again. I was at the doctor's office and wanted to weigh since the scale at the spa had shown a loss, and I wanted it recorded at the doctor's office. To my dismay, the doctor's scale showed I'd gained 7 lbs.! I can't afford to continue this upward trend. I'm scared that, at the rate I'm going, I'll weigh over 300 lbs. soon.
KBM: Why did you feel you needed a weight loss recorded at the doctor's office? What does an upward trend in weight mean to you? I believe that weighing yourself only distracts you from what's really going on.
PK: I agree! One of the first things OO suggests is throwing away the scale. Scales only perpetuate bad body thoughts.
JC: All I can offer is a quote from Overcoming Overeating, p. 76: "Simply put, the scale is the most powerful symbol of nonacceptance in your life. It measures and it judges." The scale is not even a person! Yet, we allow it to have so much power over us! What led you to wonder what your weight was?
LVS: I don't know. I know diets don't work, but this isn't working either. I don't want to be thin, but in order to have the energy I used to, I'm sure I'd need to lose at least 100 lbs.!
KBM: Sorry, I don't buy this! There are many contributing factors to lower energy: age, sedentary lifestyle, sleep patterns, stress. I walk with my neighbor who's a "thin" woman about my age. She sits behind a computer all day and felt sluggish and tired, so she started walking for the energizing effects it has on her. She now feels more alert and energized. These are the same reasons I walk -- and we're about 100-150 lbs. apart in weight!
NER: I agree! I don't understand why you think you need to lose 100 lbs. to have energy! Personally, I have more energy now that I'm not obsessing about food or thinking about my diet and exercise plan.
PK: It sounds like you have a lot of attachment to the notion that once you lose weight, your world will change. Try to stop thinking about losing weight. This is your life now, so don't waste another minute worrying about something you cannot change. A number on the scale does not measure who you are as a person.
DR: Well, I'm in exactly the same place as you, LVS! I love the acceptance and non-judgment that I've learned from OO, but I still believe I need to lose weight! I don't care about being skinny, but I physically hurt all the time!
NER: We can take care of ourselves so we aren't out of breath, don't hurt, and feel good! If we lose weight, great! But if we don't, we can still feel great! Now that I've taken the "should" out of exercise and do it for fun and health rather than to lose weight, I actually enjoy it!
PR: I'm struggling with these same issues. We're getting matching blazers at work, and I'm the only woman, so we're using a men's clothing store. When I went to get fitted, it was so humiliating because the salesman couldn't find a jacket to fit me! He finally found a size 58, but even that has to be let out. I immediately started thinking about binging, then dieting. I tell myself that I'm tackling a more important problem with OO -- the compulsion to use food to solve all my problems. But I keep thinking, "Couldn't I do that after I've lost 170 pounds?!"
NER: What are the real issues involved when you think of binging and dieting? What was it about the fitting that provoked those feelings? What kind of food did you want -- "angry food" or "comfort food?" I find that this helps me identify the feelings. The hard part is feeling the feelings, placing no judgment on them, and expressing them without turning to food.
LM: I sometimes feel I'm fat and need to diet and exercise. I just don't let this overwhelm me anymore. Before OO, these feelings controlled my life. Now I analyze them, deal with them, and put them away. I have a whole life now that has nothing to do with my body! My body is just the"vehicle" that gets me through life.
LVS: I did buy myself a small, heart-shaped box of chocolates. I've had so much mouth hunger lately. I've been feeling so sad and lonely because of Valentine's Day approaching.
NER: It's these feelings of loneliness that are frightening you - not the weight! Feel the feelings! Be with them! Feel sad, lonely, afraid, and whatever else comes up.
KBM: Bad body thoughts are never about our bodies - no matter how much we want them to be. They're always about something else -- like Valentine's Day and the feelings that may go with it! I'm glad you bought yourself a box of chocolates -- too bad it was small! It sounds like you could use some extra TLC right now.
PK: When you accept yourself at your present weight and really keep your food supplies stocked, you'll stop eating from mouth hunger. Maybe then you'll lose weight. But even if you don't, you'll be happy with yourself. I can relate to the sadness surrounding Valentine's Day. I have no boyfriend right now, and last year at this time I would've been eating from mouth hunger. But instead, I have felt the sadness of not having a mate. I didn't turn it into bad body thoughts.
LM: I also get sad, scared, and angry - but these feelings don't define my life anymore. OO has given me a new focus that is not my body! I think about how awful it would be if all I had to show for my life was my obsession with my body and weight! That is not how I want to be remembered! "But she was skinny..."
LVS: Thanks for all your help! I realize now that beneath all my "weight talk" is a very sad, lonely, angry person. I haven't owned a scale for years, but sometimes I feel compelled to measure my progress by a number. By focusing on weight and low energy I was masking the real issues. It's good to know that others struggle with this too. I realize now that weight loss is not a life goal for me, but rather self-esteem, good care-taking, making peace with food, and feeling feelings. OO has given me a new life!
To join the Overcoming Overeating Online mail list, see our E-mail Discussion Group page.
© Copyright 1996, The National Center for Overcoming Overeating
Contributors retain all rights to their work. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the National Center for Overcoming Overeating, P.O. Box 1257, Old Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10113-0920.
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